Are you tryin' to get my vote? Ooooo! Why you politicians 'r slicker than an oiled otter, I tell you what. Bill mentioned some of our views and stances to which Coltrane nodded and said that, he too, thought the country was in terrible shape, and that perhaps what we really need is a new approach to old ide. We introduced ourselves and our platform. Once Rosco had the run down from Landers he turned to us. We heard him call the crew boss "Landers". Just about when were putting the last shovel of dirt over E.B., Sheriff Rosco P. "Now these two have to dig a ditch."įrom Sheriff Coltrane's personal Facebook account.Īnd we did so because having a gun pointed at you can be a splendid motivator. "Damn it, Moose!" The boss slapped him, sighed… then slowly looked at us.
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Our female friends gasped and E.B., bless his small bodied soul, tried to swing at Moose who merely mushed his head against the campaign bus, lazily killing him. Moose, take those girls and put'em in the van.” And ask him when he is going to have the Darlington Motor Speedway plates ready. Let ‘em know we have some trouble up here. Johnny Ray, get on the horn with Boss Hogg. Sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong and uncovering our NASCAR race ticket counterfeiting operation. “You boys showed up at the wrong place at the wrong time. They weren’t as happy to see us as everyone else on our WTF Campaign Tour had been.
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The other one, the big dumb one, cleared the rest of us from the bus at gun point. One of the men clocked Bill with a punch and he went down like a small child. Just as two and two started to add in his head, up wandered three gentlemen in cheap grey suits with small caliber revolvers, giving Bill quite a frightful surprise. Upon examining the squares, Bill saw a NASCAR logo on them. Low and behold, there sat a few jugs of colored ink and some shinny silver squares. Not having peed blue since he overdosed on Great Bluedini Kool-Aid as a kid, he decided to take a look to see where it was coming from. for Eastern Block) pulled over to a small thatch so that Bill could return his drink to the Earth from which it came.Īs he was taking care of business in the tall bushes, Bill noticed a blue fluid running out from the brush. Our new driver, who's name we could never quite pronounce (at some point we just started calling him E.B. The 196 ounce SuperMaxGulp Bill had drank a few miles back was working on him hard, and the bus bathroom door was wedged shut with the naked, passed-out bodies of two unknown women, who had both kindly volunteered to take a look at our slogans. We were just coming up to the Chickasaw/Hazzard County Line in the campaign tour bus, completely exhausted from the Cheese Steak War peace talks in Philadelphia. Here, compiled from first hand accounts, the ATF's final report, and our own recollection, is what went down. We believe the public deserves the truth. And more.Įvents transpired, both horrific and heroic, and the ensuing investigations kept us from discussing them publicly until now. Lucky for us, some kindhearted locals, the Duke family, liberated us from the confines of the Hazzard County jail. Coltrane, framed us for crimes we did not commit soon after our arrival.
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Unfortunately, the scheming local County Commissioner, Jefferson Davis Hogg and local Sheriff, Rosco P. Our goals were to address the issues of the locality, ensure the public that our platform is stronger than ever, and to see for ourselves, the origination of the Daisy Duke’s. As it turns out, this campaign tour and life on the road, has had more twists and turns planned for us than we could have ever anticipated, with or without a map.Īs you know, when we headed out of Pennsylvania, our next planned stop was in Hazzard County at The Boar’s Nest, the local saloon of choice. We, your Wicked Theory Faction candidates, Notsocrazy and BilBlogins, wish to apologize for our distinctly noted absences at the end of the Primary Election season.